tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129064848004232361.post6558002399134191084..comments2023-09-18T21:43:47.885-07:00Comments on Remains of the Day: Firstborn and the Trouble with SchoolAndreahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14748454816480995214noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129064848004232361.post-15130473163749639012013-04-11T19:53:26.214-07:002013-04-11T19:53:26.214-07:00I sympathize with him and you and agree with Racha...I sympathize with him and you and agree with Rachael that middle school is the right place for academic "mistakes". I tried to take a middle road with my eldest who was always learning but also rather unwilling to jump through hoops. I insisted on B's and grounded for C's (one in elementary, one in middle school). She was perfectly capable of getting A's with no real effort through middle school, but I did understand about the hoops - her basic philosophy was "grades and other numbers are just establishment illusions, Mom". Other than the grounding, I tried not to linger on the C's. I kept tabs, because she was not that honest about schoolwork during those years. Once she hit high school and her grades counted for her transcript, she became a whole different student. She is 7th in her (huge) class while taking an IB curriculum - the most rigorous in the world and her GPA is well over 100 and I would never, ever remotely suggest that she do anywhere near the amount of work that she does. She wants to go to med. school, though, so she does it, hoops and all. Lone Star Mahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14339475499304565638noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129064848004232361.post-79462775646109939192013-04-11T10:07:54.837-07:002013-04-11T10:07:54.837-07:00I remind myself when one of my twins struggles wit...I remind myself when one of my twins struggles with middle school that this is a good place to make mistakes. <br /><br />In large part, my husband and I have tried to let our son own his problems. He checks his school online account to track his grades, missing homework, etc. He decides when he needs to stay after school for tutoring. <br /><br />Occasionally, we'll ask how he's doing, and either with pride or shame, he will log on and show us his grades. High marks get congratulated. We respond to low one's with a question: What are you going to do about it? Sometimes our response is patient and caring, sometimes it's angry and frustrated, but this isn't our problem -- it's his.<br /><br />At the same time, we've communicated with his two teachers our concerns about his academic progress, and our intent that he is responsible for it. We've let them know what pressure/support (or the lack of it) is coming from home in order that they tailor their response.<br /><br />We've talked to our son about the consequences of failing. It could mean dropping out of advanced math and repeating the year again. How did he feel about that? How did we feel about that? This conversation ended with a knowledge of where we all stood. Ultimately, school success or failure is only one mirrored image of a child. Sometimes it's unflattering. <br /><br />My job as a parent is to expect and support my kid's best effort, whether it brings about the desired letter grade is irrelevant. Rachael | The Slow-Cooked Sentencehttp://theslowcookedsentence.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129064848004232361.post-58266018169175045632013-04-11T08:03:39.324-07:002013-04-11T08:03:39.324-07:00I got nothing, except that I sympathize with him. ...I got nothing, except that I sympathize with him. It sucks to be doing busywork that's too easy for you when your brain is firing-up for so much more. But, as you say, learning to follow directions and jump through hoops is as much of a life lesson as learning how to read.Merylhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10483427699554329227noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6129064848004232361.post-72330746093019092772013-04-11T06:33:58.295-07:002013-04-11T06:33:58.295-07:00I've been in similar circumstances with my dau...I've been in similar circumstances with my daughter, in regards to the busy work and the lack of organization skills. Now that she is in high school and it all "counts," she has figured out her own system that, though it's not the way I would do it, appears to work for her. She still gets frustrated with some of her teachers, but recognizes that she has to do some things she doesn't want to do in order to reach her goals. <br />Maybe if he understands that the busy work and such will only be compounded if he does not set himself up for the higher level classes in high school, that would serve as motivation? <br />Good luck! Hey, at least the school year is almost over!Shannonhttp://www.deepestworth.comnoreply@blogger.com