Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Easter and Earthscouts

Despite the fact that C has a kazillion relatives and pseudo-relatives in the area, and that we have to celebrate Christmas five times, we usually find ourselves somewhat adrift on Thanksgiving and Easter. The last couple of years, we've invited friends and/or C's mother and made a feast of what I for some reason think of as quintessential Easter (or springtime) fare--spanikopita and rosemary potatoes with lemon bars for dessert (because C doesn't care for lemon meringue pie--silly boy). But we had our spring feast around the equinox (although it was kale-and-Swiss-chard-akopita, with strawberry shortcake for dessert), and I was truly not in the mood to cook or entertain. C, I think, would be perfectly happy if holidays just slid by like every other day of the week/year, but I want some sense of tradition, celebration and the changing of the seasons instilled in my children's lives...although not necessarily any of the formalized, rigid and religious traditions that I grew up with (my grandmother always served holiday meals at exactly 2 p.m., with all of the china and silver in service to the platters of food that all of the women of the family had slaved--and stressed--over).



We started last weekend with decorating some wooden eggs--I think the idea came from Angry Chicken last year--with watercolor paint. It was super fascinating to watch the intense concentration that each boy put into his eggs, and the different styles of painting. E put a little bit of several colors near the top of his eggs; M painted one all green, put a face on one, tried to follow the wood grain of another and put stripes on a fourth; Z painted his mostly black (like old Irontail), very thoroughly (although one he did paint with very careful black stripes), and quickly. When he was done, he noticed E's had some blank spots on them and offered to "finish" his for him! We decorated our Nature Corner and the "mantle" (er, unfinished top row of bricks behind the wood stove) with them.

Then this past Saturday evening, after a cold but fun hike and lunch out with friends, I finally got around to preparing egg dyes by 7 p.m. (my friend had given me a back issue of Brain, Child that I hadn't already read and that kept me occupied all afternoon while E and Z napped--thanks to our long damp hike--and M played Lego's). We used natural dyes this year--beets, purple cabbage and turmeric. I had done this once a long time ago, but I boiled the eggs with the dyestuffs and they came out quite vivid, but this time just boiled the beets and cabbage for a while in water and put them in mugs with vinegar, so that the kids could actually be involved in the dying. The turmeric I just put straight in water with vinegar. The colors weren't quite as deep, but luckily our farm had pale green Araucana eggs, so they took the dyes a little better than the brown ones do. The turmeric worked best (later I remembered using paprika in the past, and may try that again next time). I used up the last of the moldering beets out of the bottom of my crisper drawer, and one small head of cabbage--I felt a little guilty throwing them in the compost afterward, but no one in my house likes beets, and the boiled cabbage made the whole house smell like an Iron Curtain tenement...not appetizing
Z wanted to just keep dying and re-dying his eggs over and over. I guess I should have made more than a dozen, but hard boiled eggs aren't a huge hit with my kids, so it would be a shame to have all those eggs and nothing to do with them (or eat egg salad until I became a licensed source for hydrogen sulfide emissions).



Easter morning the boys went down and gathered eggs filled with jelly beans and yogurt-covered raisins and Bunny Grahams that the Easter bunny hid around the house, while C and I tried to get a few extra minutes of sleep. We had hot cross buns for breakfast, along with Easter eggs and a pineapple that I just got at the co-op Monday, but which was already turning to alcohol (no one else seemed to mind).

The Candy Rabbit (that's what Z used to call him) also left these cute little bunnies that someone needle-felted, which would be her new obsession if it did not use the same fine-motor movements as keyboarding and mousing, causing her two weeks of shoulder pain ever since. Z showed me his and said "Peter a good knitter." Of course he was referring to Peter Cottontail that annoying claymation (or whatever) movie from our childhood...whom they prefer to visualize as their Easter Bunny, rather than the little cottontail rabbit from The Country Bunny and the Little Gold Shoes, which, if you have not read yet, get thee to a library! It is the most amazingly feminist, populist, mama-empowering book.


Also they got some books I've been lusting over (in my Waldorf-wanna-be mode) for some time. The (Elsa Beskow) stories are kind of silly, but I love the illustrations, and Z and E love anything with a troll (or a grumpy old gnome).



We headed to Dodge Point in Newcastle, my favorite hiking area around here, and hiked the big loop, for the first time since the twins were born, unhindered by double stroller and little legs. We played on all of the beaches (two gravel, one sand and one brick) until their mother complained of being cold from the wind. We took EarthScouts on the road with us. Our mission this week was to listen carefully to the sounds of nature (still working from the I Love Dirt book--lesson #4), but this was hard to do for many reasons--hard to sit still and listen while you're hiking, or throwing rocks in the river, or freezing because it's so windy. Also, I noticed, all four of them (C included) seem to need to have a constant stream of noise emanating from their mouths--either chatter, singing, humming, whistling or nonsense sounds. It's enough to drive a wooden mom crazy.




We did hear some stuff, though, which we recorded later at the Newcastle Publick House, where we had our Easter dinner--wind, waves, dripping water, wood frogs (duck-like chuckle), a bird that said "cheer, cheer," but was not a robin or a cardinal--C and I are on a mission to figure out what it is. E and Z fell asleep after we got in the car at 4:30, slept right through the afternoon, let me put on their jammies, went back to sleep and slept until 5:45 Monday morning. I think they need more 3-mile hikes!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

First-Quarter Check-in

At the end of last year I made an extensive list of New Year's resolutions and to-do list. My intention is to check in quarterly (and publicly) to keep myself honest:

-Get finances in order (joint checking act? write budget. deferred comp plan?) Ha. Ha. Ha. We did get our taxes to the accountant earlier this week. Does that count?

-Write will (life insurance? who gets kids????) Can't even think about this one.

-Finish works in progress (8 year old orange scarf; 10 year old rayon skirt--send to sister) Well the scarf and skirt haven't seen the light of day, but I made some major progress on the quilt seen at right on the cover of the latest GEMINI.

-Write daily (Wild Mind; What If?; Writing the Natural Way) I've only done a couple more chapters of Wild Mind than I had done when I wrote this, but with this poetry class I have been writing almost daily.

-Finish/Submit more work Nope. Hasn't happened. But I did make a plan of what I want to write and submit where. I'm good at making plans. Follow through? Not so much.

-Practice Mindfulness I have been choosing one of the "seven pillars of mindfulness" to focus on each month. January was Beginner's Mind, February Non-Judging, March Patience (may need to try that one again!). This month is Non-Striving. Does that mean I should throw this list out the window?

-Go to yoga/pilates classes at lunchtime I went today and Tuesday and one day last week. Overall, I've probably only made an average of two or three classes a month, but I've gotten a co-worker to persuade me to go over with her, so that should help, right?

-Organize house (kids' room--bunk beds, book shelves; basement; arts & crafts) As you know, because I can't stop posting about it, I'm in a crazy organization frenzy. The kids' room is pretty much done (although neither C nor Ikea has furnished the room with bookshelves yet; instead I managed to make do with what we had through some creative rearranging). I did part of the basement in January, but that needs to be done again, along with the rest of it (also I am staging my stuff to get rid of down there, and it's not helping things much). I took care of the arts & crafts stuff. Now I'm getting antsy every time I walk past the book cases in our stairway--can't wait to go through and purge those!

-Do more spontaneous creativity with kids Hmm...I think I've done this a little, but definitely not to the extent I envisioned, and definitely not as spontaneous as I could be (although if I plan on being spontaneous, is that spontaneous???)

-Read Dickens Not yet, although I did watch Oliver Twist and am watching Little Dorrit on Masterpiece. Also I read some Thomas Hardy. I'll get to Dickens, I swear.

-Continue w/ Zine--3 issues Issue 10 done and out the door. Two to go (this year).

-Carve out creative time daily Maybe not daily, but with a little bit of writing, a little bit of craftiness (sorry I refuse to use the word "craft" as a verb), I'm getting it in at least weekly.

-Be patient Not so much. Will work on that when it comes around again in the mindfulness rotation.

-Return to Nature Journal (daily? weekly?) Once. I've made one entry this year. Maybe spring will be more inspiring in this area?

-Finish "Drawing on Right Side of Brain" workbook (started in 2005!) I've done three drawings!

-Practice Gratitude (Xmas Thank-You Notes first) M and I sent out Christmas thank-you notes (actually he did pretty much all the work, but I sat next to him!). Not doing so well with everyday gratitude. How's this: I'm thankful for all you faithful blog readers!

-Volunteer nope.

-Deal with anxiety/stress (yoga? pills? Rescue Remedy?) Whoa-boy. I have (similar to the Mindfulness Rotation) been looking up one stress reduction tip to focus on each week in my Ten Minute Stress Relief book, which has been nice sometimes, but not totally effective. I think the last month I've been as crazy-stressed out as ever (for no good reason). Rescue Remedy helps a little; Bloody Mary's help a litte; yoga helps for a while. Need a better long-term solution (have just realized I need to stop taking other people's stress into my own body...now just have to figure out how). Wonder if setting myself up with this long list of things to change in my life has anything to do with my stress levels?

-Suspend disbelief more often Ha!

-Join YMCA (Xmas gift certificate) We did it and even re-upped when our complimentary three months ran out!

-Learn to shop at thrift stores Hmpfh.

-Swim weekly (need goggle strap--old one melted--and poss new suit?) Yes! Got new goggles (may still need new suit) and have been swimming if not weekly, then almost weekly, which is as good as I can expect.

The final analysis--less than 50% success, but it's only the first quarter! Don't give up on me! I can change! I can change!

Already thinking of a resolution for next year--try to be happy with yourself as you are and stop getting on these kooky self-improvement binges (after you organize your finance, household, get in shape, become a Supermom, and write a bestselling novel).

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Cardboard Furniture

I'd like to think that some day I will be grown up enough to have real furniture, you know, made out of wood and stuff, but I seem to be unable to relinquish the old college standbys of cardboard and egg crate. I've had a problem figuring out how to store the kids' art supplies since M was little and he had an "art table" in the corner, which was really just a kid-sized table piled about a foot high with papers, coloring books, crayons, glue, etc.

I've tried storing art supplies in the bathroom cabinet, but out of sight they didn't get used much...also now with two extra people we need the storage space. I've tried those plastic drawer thingies, which are not at all attractive, and one of which I still have in our sun room (and the other in M's room). Recently I tried to get everything in order in a place near our kitchen/dining area table, and resorted to stacking two sturdy cardboard boxes on each other after failing to find a nice book shelf at a few antique stores.

Then during my spring cleaning frenzy last week, I tried to make more space in the sun room, and brought this little table/desk (which I paid waaay too much money for at an antique store several years ago) to the area and eliminated one of the cardboard boxes, creating a little art storage zone, to make it easier to get started on a project (of course M still says every single night when it's time to do his homework, "I can't find a pencil!" and E and Z have a hard time seeing their crayons there, right front and center. Sigh!)





It doesn't compare to this fantastic set-up, but I'm fresh out of chicken coops (I'd probably freak out about it being covered in lead paint, or chicken poop anyway) and it is a big improvement over some of the teetering mounds of junk we've had in the past, so it will have to do.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Earth Scouts--Week 3

M was at a friend's house for a sleepover Saturday night, so just E, Z and I headed out for our Sunday a.m. EarthScouts adventure (notice how I can't decide whether to make that one word or two?). This week's mission: a hunt for the color GREEN (starting to sound repetitive?). We found the usual, green pine needles, hemlock needles, fir needles, lichens, moss (looking lusher than two weeks ago), a little more grass. Our quests may be sound somewhat redundant, but the point is to get out there and open our eyes and ears. While we were out, we saw this tree, very recently excavated by a pileated woodpecker.



And some slime mold.



And still quite a bit of snow (but much less than two weeks ago).



Z refuses to concede that it is in fact spring (or, as the twins would say, that it's spring out), until all the snow is gone.



I had thought maybe M had lost interest in the whole thing after last week's miserable outing, but he was genuinely disappointed when he got home that afternoon and found out he'd missed EarthScouts. Then yesterday E, Z and I were outside doing a (very) little yard work while we waited for M's bus (why is it that the grass in the "lawn" and fields is like a centimeter tall, but the grass in my herb garden has a good eight inches of growth??), and E started collecting sticks and rocks in the wagon and declared that he was "doing EarthScouts." I think that's a sign of success!

Friday, April 3, 2009

Wonderful Kids

I woke up very early this morning worrying that what I wrote in yesterday's post might come off wrong. I read many blogs about many wonderful kids--mostly they are written by my friends and I can vouch for it--they do have awesome kids. And I may possibly have mentioned a time or two that my kids are wonderful too. If not, for the record: M, Z and E = wonderful. The point I was trying to make (clearly I have a problem making my points!) is that parenting is hard sh*t and it's nice to have the companionship of someone who has been through the same (or worse) when you're going through the rough patches. So yes, write away about your great kids (I probably don't do that enough!) but also tell me about those times you are going to gouge your own eyes out with a grapefruit spoon if you don't get just five minutes peace! (Which is exactly how I have felt for the last three weeks solid--except I did get a few hours peace last night at dinner with a friend and I feel muuuuuch better now.)

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Blogging, Truth, and Beauty

So I’ve been mulling over this post from Soulemama the last couple of days, in which she admits to having bad days, just like the rest of us (I wanted to say, “us mortals” there, but I restrained myself), but that she chooses to document the things that are beautiful and joyful in her life so that that is what she focuses on, and in doing so bring more of it into her life. Now I admit, as I have many times in the past, to being a Soulemama addict, and I also admit to one of my reasons for returning again and again to her blog is to fuel my sense of inadequacy. I also admit that when a couple of months ago she took a blog break because her entire family was sick, my first thought was, “Wow, they really are human.”

Apparently someone has implied that that only focusing on one element of life (in this case the happy, happy, joy, joy element) is not truthful. Soulemama doesn’t think so, and neither do I. It’s impossible (and would be highly boring) to write about every single thing in our lives—we all pick and choose what to write about, and that is our truth. I do think it’s less real, and a lot less interesting. Honestly, I don’t want to read about how ever-lovin’ wonderful your kids are. But if your kid pooped in your hand yesterday, yeah that’s a story I wanna hear. The essence of story is conflict, and the point of literature is catharsis—pity and fear. I can pity you because yeah, it would totally suck to have poop in your hand; and I can feel fear, because it could happen to me someday. I can also have a moment of relief, because even if my day is totally sucking, well, at least no one has pooped in my hand (yet). Besides, chances are if you’re writing about your kid pooping in your hand, it’s going to be a pretty g*d d*amn funny story, and I tell ya sister, I could use a laugh.

When I saw The Passion of the Hausfrau this weekend (What? You haven’t gotten your tickets yet? What are you waiting for?), I laughed and cried so hard because I was right there with her when her kids were freaking out in the grocery store, when her son turned every stick or log or piece of toast into a gun or rocket launcher, when she realized she had just let her own life pass her by while she was focused on her kids. That’s the kind of story I want to read.

I have actually had the thought recently that my kids are at such a good place right now, they’re not very interesting to write about. Not that we don’t still have our moments (and our days), but 3/3/7 is SUCH and improvement over 2/2/6 and 1/1/5 and probably 0/0/4 (except I can hardly remember those days—did I actually live through that??)

But at least Soulemama has a clear reason and purpose for blogging, and apparently it’s working for her—she has 1000s of readers, has written two books, has a thriving Etsy store, advertisers and sponsors. I still don’t know why exactly I started this blog, or why I keep it up, other than as a platform for my Leo desire to be the center of attention to wrestle with my Introvert desire for no one to notice me. Ever. It clearly has not helped improve my writing skills, or forwarded my writing career. I have a long list of publications to which I plan on submitting work, but I can’t seem to collect the time, energy, motivation and focus to sit down and pen an essay for cryin’ out loud.

I read blogs with really good writing; ones that make me laugh; ones from which I can learn something—about current events, politics, a new way of viewing an old issue; ones that inspire me to make something, cook something, do something, go somewhere; ones that give me recipes or craft plans (although lately I’ve been rebelling against this romanticization of the domestic, like it’s an evil plot of the Patriarchy to keep us wimmins barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen or at the sewing machine). I also turn to blogs like Soulemama and others that make life appear so dreamy and peaceful and perfect to give me a little boost when my life appears anything but.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Another Potholder Meltdown

Last summer, in the midst of the Buy Nothing Year, I had a minor melt-down over my potholders, which are gross and disgusting food-encrusted charred things that, if ever I had a celebrity chef (I'm talking to you, Rick Bayless!) over to make dinner, would horrify him right out of my house.

Exhibit A.



Of course my meltdown wasn't really about the potholders, they were just a metaphor for my shabby-ass life that in the moment of feeling completely overwhelmed by life in general, made me feel like I had zero control over anything, and that if only I could just get my hands on one of those lovely striped Guatemalan potholders, everything would be OK. I didn't rush out and buy a Guatemalan potholder, mostly because it was late on a Sunday evening, when nothing in the entire state of Maine is open, and by Monday morning I had gained a little more perspective (I did eventually buy one of those potholders, but to assuage any guilt, I put it in C's Christmas stocking!)



I still have the three really yucky potholders, however. It recently struck me that I could just make new ones, and I initially had every intention of just making new covers to go over the old pot holders, to avoid having to buy heat-resistant fabric. But the more I considered it, the more I was just way too grossed out by them, and concerned that maybe they are releasing fire retardant chemicals into our food every time we use them. Additionally, they don't even work all that well (the plaid one has a hole in the middle through which I burn myself every time I use it).
I found a piece of strawberry material my mom gave me, and some red that matched. I put it all off for some time because i didn't want to deal with making biased tape and that little loop in the corner, until I had the brilliant realization that I NEVER hang my pot holders, so i don't NEED a little loop.

Finally, Sunday morning, between the disastrous Earth Scouts adventure and going to The Passion of the Hausfrau (which you REALLY need to go see, unless you're too far away from Portland, in which case pre-order the book at your local indie book store), I set to work and made potholders, without loops, using just two layers of cotton batting and no heat-resistant fabric (I finished the first one just in time to take scones out of the oven and it seemed to work fine).



As I may have mentioned, I've been in a kind of dark place lately, and as I sewed I was feeling quite despondent that I've come to a place in my life where sewing pot holders has become a satisfying weekend activity, and that the realization that I don't need a loop on my pot holders qualifies as a "brilliant revelation." This is really not where I planned to be in life. As it turns out, new potholders were not the panacea I hoped them to be (and they already are getting burnt bagel soot and melted cheese on them).

****************
And The Winner (of the fabulous zine give-away) is: Sara (of the great mom of three boys--including twins--and Bakfiets-love blog, Full Hands)! Sara--send me an email and let me know if you want me to send it directly to you or to a gift recipient!

And for those of you who did not win, but still want to get your hands on a copy of GEMINI, it's only $3 for a single issue--email me at andreaelani at yahoo dot com and get your very own copy!
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